The Worst Bad Habit
What is the worst bad habit one can have? Perhaps all of us
have this bad habit to some extent: It is our tendency to reject
or react against reality rather than accept and deal with things
the way they are. Some examples follow, with a few suggestions
on to how to overcome this habit.
Rejecting Reality
This can be a subtle habit, expressing itself in everything
from blaming others for our problems to getting angry at traffic.
It's subtlety makes it hard to identify, so how do we know when
we are rejecting reality? Watch for these clues.
Do you complain about how things "should" be? If
so, stop to consider how you don't complain when rocks
are hard or water is wet. Easy acceptance of the facts of nature
is due to clearly seeing that this is simply the way it is. Hopefully
you have no belief that rocks should be soft or water dry. The
complexity of modern life, however, does lead to ideas
about how things "should be." These ideas are the beginning
of our rejection of reality.
When I was young I failed in business because I felt that
there "shouldn't be" regulations and complicated tax
systems. I used this belief as an excuse for not doing all that
I had to do to succeed. Successful entrepreneurs may agree with
my laissez-faire viewpoint, but they also accept that things
are how they are, and deal with them. I was refusing
to fully accept reality.
Blaming is another great way to excuse ourselves from taking
responsibility, and one of the many subtle ways we reject reality.
Outside factors and other people do play a role in our
problems. Recognizing this is just honesty. Parades do
get rained on. People are rude and unfair.
The problem is that we often focus more on assigning blame
than on our own choices of how to deal with the problems. Psychologically,
this is a bad habit - the worst habit. It's like a child screaming
"I don't want it this way!" as though that will alter
reality. It's not a very productive approach, as you may notice
in friends who find many things and people to blame in their
lives.
Naturally, you can blame a person who chooses to be cruel
to you, but you are also to blame if you choose to be abused
repeatedly by spending time with such a person. This is almost
like sticking your hand in a fire repeatedly, hoping it will
one day stop being hot. Almost, I say, because unlike the nature
of fire, a person CAN change. But how often do they? Be realistic
here, or you are rejecting reality as surely as when you put
your hand into a fire.
Overcoming this Worst Habit
There are probably a hundred ways to fight this habit. Here
a just a few suggestions.
1. Watch yourself, and follow every hint of blame with the
statement "Now this is what I am going to do about it."
Then do something.
2. Stop "waiting for your ship to come in". Face
the fact that people create most of the "luck" that
they have in life, and start working toward your goals.
3. Catch yourself complaining and make a decision instead.
For example, if you don't like the way the government is run,
get involved in politics or accept that things actually "shouldn't"
be different if enough people don't do something to make them
so.
4. Catch your excuses and make a decision. For example, why
talk about the "reasons" for your failures or procrastination,
when you can watch what successful people are doing and try that?
5. Really see the futility of rejecting reality. Consider
who is more likely to be happy in this world: a man who demands
that it should be the way he wants it; or one that accepts things
as they are, changes what he can, and does what he needs to do.
Who is more likely to succeed, a man who knows how things "should
be," or the one who sees only what is there and deals with
it the best way he can?
6. Get motivated to change. One way is to watch complainers
and blamers and those who say "should" and "shouldn't"
too often. Watch them closely, and you'll see how they suffer
for their demands on reality.
Rejecting reality is the bad habit upon which many other bad
habits are based. It is perhaps the worst habit, but it can be
corrected.
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