The Worst Bad Habit

What is the worst bad habit one can have? Perhaps all of us have this bad habit to some extent: It is our tendency to reject or react against reality rather than accept and deal with things the way they are. Some examples follow, with a few suggestions on to how to overcome this habit.

Rejecting Reality

This can be a subtle habit, expressing itself in everything from blaming others for our problems to getting angry at traffic. It's subtlety makes it hard to identify, so how do we know when we are rejecting reality? Watch for these clues.

Do you complain about how things "should" be? If so, stop to consider how you don't complain when rocks are hard or water is wet. Easy acceptance of the facts of nature is due to clearly seeing that this is simply the way it is. Hopefully you have no belief that rocks should be soft or water dry. The complexity of modern life, however, does lead to ideas about how things "should be." These ideas are the beginning of our rejection of reality.

When I was young I failed in business because I felt that there "shouldn't be" regulations and complicated tax systems. I used this belief as an excuse for not doing all that I had to do to succeed. Successful entrepreneurs may agree with my laissez-faire viewpoint, but they also accept that things are how they are, and deal with them. I was refusing to fully accept reality.

Blaming is another great way to excuse ourselves from taking responsibility, and one of the many subtle ways we reject reality. Outside factors and other people do play a role in our problems. Recognizing this is just honesty. Parades do get rained on. People are rude and unfair.

The problem is that we often focus more on assigning blame than on our own choices of how to deal with the problems. Psychologically, this is a bad habit - the worst habit. It's like a child screaming "I don't want it this way!" as though that will alter reality. It's not a very productive approach, as you may notice in friends who find many things and people to blame in their lives.

Naturally, you can blame a person who chooses to be cruel to you, but you are also to blame if you choose to be abused repeatedly by spending time with such a person. This is almost like sticking your hand in a fire repeatedly, hoping it will one day stop being hot. Almost, I say, because unlike the nature of fire, a person CAN change. But how often do they? Be realistic here, or you are rejecting reality as surely as when you put your hand into a fire.

Overcoming This Worst Habit

There are probably a hundred ways to fight this habit. Here a just a few suggestions.

1. Watch yourself, and follow every hint of blame with the statement "Now this is what I am going to do about it." Then do something.

2. Stop "waiting for your ship to come in". Face the fact that people create most of the "luck" that they have in life, and start working toward your goals.

3. Catch yourself complaining and make a decision instead. For example, if you don't like the way the government is run, get involved in politics or accept that things actually "shouldn't" be different if enough people don't do something to make them so.

4. Catch your excuses and make a decision. For example, why talk about the "reasons" for your failures or procrastination, when you can watch what successful people are doing and try that?

5. Really see the futility of rejecting reality. Consider who is more likely to be happy in this world: a man who demands that it should be the way he wants it; or one that accepts things as they are, changes what he can, and does what he needs to do. Who is more likely to succeed, a man who knows how things "should be," or the one who sees only what is there and deals with it the best way he can?

6. Get motivated to change. One way is to watch complainers and blamers and those who say "should" and "shouldn't" too often. Watch them closely, and you'll see how they suffer for their demands on reality.

Rejecting reality is the bad habit upon which many other bad habits are based. It is perhaps the worst habit, but it can be corrected.