The Problem with Self Help Books

Is it possible that many self help books just help the self which creates your problems? More on that in a moment, but first I want to say that many such books can be useful. For example, a book on how to speak in front of a crowd can help with that, and a book on how to eat better or learn to sing can be valuable also.

Now, what about the books that are meant to help you become a "better" person in a more general sense? You know, the ones about self esteem, motivation, attitude, self image, prestige and achievement. Can these really improve the quality of your life? Certainly some of them have a lot to offer, but there is also one glaring flaw in many such books.

The flaw I'm referring to is their excessive focus on the "ego" self. Some books suggest that helping that grow stronger or "better" is somehow worthwhile. Many recommend affirmations, for example, which you repeat daily to convince yourself that you're strong, wealthy, or healthy, without reference to the reality of your situation. The result? A fragile and temporary confidence, based on mental posturing and pretense.

Certainly it would be better to be happy and at peace even if you are weak, poor, and ill, right? Strength, wealth and health are worthy pursuits, but being attached to these outcomes as an important part of who you are creates a lot of unnecessary stress and suffering, doesn't it? Unfortunately, this is what many "self help books" encourage.

Why would we want to help our ego self gain even more power over us? Why encourage the self that invents an image of who we "should" be, and reminds us (painfully) when we don't live up to that invention? Why promote those parts of us which insist we need to impress others, to be "great" and to rush to achieve as much as we can to prove our "importance?" This is a source of our stress, not a solution to it.

Watch carefully, and you'll see that following the advice of this false self is a recipe for mental pain and anxiety. And yet many self help books encourage us to build it up, and to embrace it even more strongly. Letting it go is what we really need.

These themes are commonly called spiritual, but the label isn't important here. Honest observation can show us that there whatever our true self consists of, there are also parts of us which want to chase false values based on what this ego self insists is of value. But peace of mind is more valuable than any of the temporary emotional highs achieved through that sort of "self help."

To choose and use self help books that really help then, avoid any which focus on encouraging the ego. More specifically, avoid those which suggest that success is about getting rich, winning against others, impressing people, improving your "self image" through pretenses, or in any way building up a "self" that can be torn down by circumstance or outside forces. Choose those which help you let go of the nonsense associated with this "created" self. Look for books that help you act from a deeper purpose and sense of identity.