The Blame Game - Stop Playing

Self Help Weekly

What's the prize for winning the blame game? Convince others that your parents are to blame for the way you are, and what good would it do? If a business failure could be blamed on something that truly wasn't your fault, would it help? Can blaming ever be helpful?

Maybe. Some evidence shows that assigning failure to things outside our control may be useful for maintaining self esteem and motivation. Someone says "Oh, the rain ruined the event," then adds, "I'll have to plan for that next time." It's better than saying "I always screw these things up." Of course many would just blame the rain without adding the "I'll have to plan better next time."

Focusing on outside factors that contribute to our problems is a great way to de-motivate yourself and prevent self improvement. Even if a friend made you late for an interview and you lost the job, it just can't help to persist in blaming him. It makes you feel like giving up. Here is a better way in two steps.

1. Learn Lessons.

2. Take Responsibility.

Let it go if it was an accident on the part of your friend, but if your friend is always late, learn that. Then tell yourself, " I'll get a ride with someone else next time," or "I'll plan to be there thirty minutes early," or "I'll have a back-up plan."

Recognize when others do something wrong, or storms rain on your parade. It is useless, however, to persist in blaming outside factors for where you are in life. Someone stole all your money? They did you wrong, but don't persist in blaming them for the state of your life. Ask what you can do to make more money, and to keep it from being stolen again. Focus on what YOU can do, not on what others have done.

The Subtle Blame Game

The blame game can be a subtle one. It's a fine line between recognizing "problem factors" and giving control to them. When a person gains weight easily, they have to recognize that fact. Repetition of that fact to oneself or others, however, is usually a subtle way of saying, "My body type is to blame, so there's nothing I can do."

How do you overcome this tendency? Start by including what YOUR decisions are when talking about outside factors. "John just depresses me," should be followed with "but I choose to spend time with him." To "My parents screwed me up," add "that's why I'm working to change my beliefs." Do you know someone who subtly blames the world, but doesn't recognize his own contribution to his problems? Is this person happy and successful?

We can all think of dozens of people and things that have caused us problems in our lives, but who cares who and what they are? What will we do about it? That is the most important question. You probably haven't yet seen someone blame their way to success (and don't hold your breath). Isn't it time to give up the blame game?

Related page on the site: Bad Habits And Good Habits.

Good bye for now,

Steve